Survivors

the morning star, lights up the page that fills my mind an optimistic dream, so distantly beaming back at me and the only thing i've left to hold on to.. holding on you work, work, work for a time believed more valuable but when the one returns ya think He'll take you home? is this all we can do? making our mother's proud.. in such a bind as this, bounded by an institution blind, devoid where am i to go if i were to just let it all go? and call this genesis... it feels so lonely (loneliness), keeping me company... you know, it's right in front of me.. watching, waiting oh, what an optimistic dream this is the fear of belief feeling nothing losing responsibility rising above in believing nothing, i fear a feeling in knowing what's about to happen... >and it's only gonna get worse. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ you won't care to hear it, i know but sometimes it just feels better letting go.

the little voice in your chest

'People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.'
-Jim Morrison.

humm

I've been digging sargenthouse's newest signee, Adebisi Shank. Oh and this band Anamanaguchi is good too.

This game I've been working on the past 6 months finally released to the public today. It's kinda weird, I'm actually proud. Walked a little straighter today. A lot of people like it, I'm stoked. Hopefully the future brings more clangs of crystal and smiling faces. Haven't been out for what seems like a lifetime. Kind of over this hermit phase, idk. I feel I know myself pretty well now, and I need to get out there and learn more about other people and places. My lease is up in March. Still debating whether to stay here or pack up and leave. This happens every year. Some people I wish I could take with me.

bored@wurk

"And I pray to God that one day, He will grant me the power to reach out and hold my hand over your head and give you instant belief, 'cause you don't have instant belief. You've been hooked, you've been crooked, you've been lied to so many times, that you're suspicious-minded. And when the right thing comes along, you don't believe in it. When I'm coming in knocking on the front door, you're out the back door looking for four leaf clovers. And when you find it, you think somebody planted it there to fool you. 'Whats the angle?' You look for an excuse. In this modern day and age we have instant coffee and instant tea--instant disbelief. Thats the reason we will never become anything--it is because we will never believe in ourselves. We will always listen to the mass majority. If everybody's making fun of you and criticizing you, then you know you're on the right track. Cause most people ain't got it."

self-consciousness? pbpbpbpb

I'm 24 now, learning more about myself everyday - and the world can wait.

This glass is 3/4 full, baby.

Probably just going to stick on here, for my millions of followers... tumblr isn't even a word..

Workin' a shit ton of hours lately, and there's plenty more to come. Floating slowly back to the surface. Must have air. Come March my lease is up... Thinking seriously about making the 'big' move up North. Nothing really left here. It seems everyone is more concerned with reputation and self-destruction for some reason. Btw kids, partying every night makes you cool. You'll go far. Whatever, to each their own.

Your boat. Make it float. Please. For the simple sake of the human race. Live, evolve, die.

(must create. soon.)

...

Sometimes I feel like the most self-conscious person ever... here we go again. I don't know how I'll ever be normal again, knowing that I can be this fucked up. It will always be there... Funny because I started my day in one of the most outgoing moods ever. 'Really wish I knew why...

Anyways, this'll be my last one. Moving to tumblr. I likes it more better.

http://re-struct.tumblr.com

Nuthin to prove

One thing I hate about my job is how everyone walks around like they have something to prove... I know it's because we're all contract employees and we're all vying for a permanent spot, but it's beginning to change me (and they really don't stand a chance anyway omgz is this public?). It sucks. So I guess I'm just trying to keep from getting like everyone here..

I would never chill outside of work with any of the bosses here. Well maybe just one, mine. hah

Getting a sick ass droid today. Getting a sick ass auto loan tomorrow (hopefuly). Sun is shining.