bored@wurk

"And I pray to God that one day, He will grant me the power to reach out and hold my hand over your head and give you instant belief, 'cause you don't have instant belief. You've been hooked, you've been crooked, you've been lied to so many times, that you're suspicious-minded. And when the right thing comes along, you don't believe in it. When I'm coming in knocking on the front door, you're out the back door looking for four leaf clovers. And when you find it, you think somebody planted it there to fool you. 'Whats the angle?' You look for an excuse. In this modern day and age we have instant coffee and instant tea--instant disbelief. Thats the reason we will never become anything--it is because we will never believe in ourselves. We will always listen to the mass majority. If everybody's making fun of you and criticizing you, then you know you're on the right track. Cause most people ain't got it."

self-consciousness? pbpbpbpb

I'm 24 now, learning more about myself everyday - and the world can wait.

This glass is 3/4 full, baby.

Probably just going to stick on here, for my millions of followers... tumblr isn't even a word..

Workin' a shit ton of hours lately, and there's plenty more to come. Floating slowly back to the surface. Must have air. Come March my lease is up... Thinking seriously about making the 'big' move up North. Nothing really left here. It seems everyone is more concerned with reputation and self-destruction for some reason. Btw kids, partying every night makes you cool. You'll go far. Whatever, to each their own.

Your boat. Make it float. Please. For the simple sake of the human race. Live, evolve, die.

(must create. soon.)

...

Sometimes I feel like the most self-conscious person ever... here we go again. I don't know how I'll ever be normal again, knowing that I can be this fucked up. It will always be there... Funny because I started my day in one of the most outgoing moods ever. 'Really wish I knew why...

Anyways, this'll be my last one. Moving to tumblr. I likes it more better.

http://re-struct.tumblr.com

Nuthin to prove

One thing I hate about my job is how everyone walks around like they have something to prove... I know it's because we're all contract employees and we're all vying for a permanent spot, but it's beginning to change me (and they really don't stand a chance anyway omgz is this public?). It sucks. So I guess I'm just trying to keep from getting like everyone here..

I would never chill outside of work with any of the bosses here. Well maybe just one, mine. hah

Getting a sick ass droid today. Getting a sick ass auto loan tomorrow (hopefuly). Sun is shining.

Freedom

Being single is simply what's up. It's a shame people feel the need to drag someone else down, and be dragged down themselves. Because they're hearts aren't full or whatever, I don't know. I fill my own, with a little help from my friends. Not until there's nothing that can drag me down, will I throw myself into that shit again. It feels so nice to meet someone cool (and hot) without having that voice in the back of your head. Keeping them around, however, is where the skill lies... imo.

That being said, I can't wait to get my life started again. It's been a long, uphill road, but the crest is finally in walking distance. I've been taking the bus for past few months and I really don't mind. It actually fits me, I think. For example, I spent the day with my friends, but I was kinda quiet the whole time, I didn't want to goto the club (which they thought was the weirdest thing in the whole world). I've never been so interrogated in my life. Like what the fuck is wrong with me, RIGHT? So funny (I know it's just because they want me to be there, but I really can't understand why... especially when I said a thousand times I don't wanna go, 'snot like I'm some VIP or some shit). Back on topic, they dropped me off at the trolley station on the way there, and I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, like, I got my self back. I think it sucks that I don't have the same interests as my friends, but it's nice to know they'll always be there. Gives me the freedom to do my own thing.

Sweet, sweet, freedom :)

Trust yourself

This whole time

I've been a fool...

"Tuesday's are so kind..."

She came on again today, looks like it's going to be another regular. It's gonna be another one of those, "you talk first" getting-to-know-yous. But you're sitting too far away for me to grow some and get over there. And you're trying so hard.. please stop. I can't feel comfortable when you're facing me but you're looking at your phone. If she'd just let her guard down... and stop flashing her cash every time she sits down... I get it, you're rich. If this bus were a party, I wouldn't leave her side. But I'm on my way to work.

A secret from future generations

Emotion
on a slippery stone
The grass never stays green long enough
There's so much water here
'course everyone thinks it's easier...

"I wish sometimes that I wasn't as conscious as I am."
- River Pheonix

"Ultimately, martial art means
honestly expressing yourself...
it is easy for me to put on a show and be cocky,
or I could show you some really fancy movement...
But to express oneself honestly, not lying to oneself,
and to express myself honestly...
Now that, my friend is very hard to do."
- Some movie

I feel like I'm constantly putting on a show for people. I'll change how I say or do something right before I do it to make it seem funny or smooth, and I'm afraid it makes me seem cocky. I notice it relies a lot on who I'm doing it too, also... maybe I'm not that different though. I'm self-centered sure, but I think in order to make it on your own in this world, you have to be. And there's nothing more I want in this world than to be independent... At least financially anyway. Just expressing myself honestly...

No other band in the entire world gets me like The Wonder Years.

day 3

Got a ride from the trolley from this rich old dude coming back home on Saturday. He must've thought I was hitchiking for whatever reason as my thumb was definitely not out. He kept asking me what was so funny. From now on, just say "I'm not gay" and prepare to be walking the rest of the way. Shit was awkward.

Sometimes, I think I'm doomed to walk around as a fake. Sometimes, being real is too painful. I'll just live in a pretend world I guess. Pointlessly alone. Everything a figment of imagination. Hiding behind a screen spewing pretty pictures to the populus. Pretty enough for them. The grass is always greener, but everything looks perfect from far away... come down now. hah.

For some reason I hate the smell of cigarettes cept when I'm drunk.

everyone older than me says

"you should fuck everything you can while you're young..."

why don't i listen?

whoa

I think it's interesting how people's facial and body features can influence the way they act, and in turn the people they're attracted to. For some reason, and I'm not bragging - completely serious, short light-skinned messican girls with small facial features and beautiful eyes love the shit out of me. And me them. I wish I knew why. You know how when you look at a couple and you're like wtf? They don't go together... (and this goes deeper than skin color) I think body shape and facial features can tell alot about a persons personality and if you would get along with them or not. That's probably the most superficial thing ever, but I'm really starting to believe it. I wish I knew more about psychology and human physiology to figure out if I'm right or wrong. I've been thinking about this for a while and this is the first time I've ever written it down. Definitely something to dig deeper into.

I wrote something just before, "Audrey" I'm going to call her, walked in.

Brick by Brick
It's coming down
And another is being built in it's honour
Consisting of a different kind

Discard pride, naivety
and bring translucent
The brunt of reality
Just one more brick..


Oh, and Animals as Leaders (Tosin Abasi) must have some sort of deal with the devil because fuckkkk

Inamorata

In the blue and white limo, day 1

Sometimes I wish someone could pick me up from behind and swing me around, though I don't think anyone's strong enough. I regret not going to the Wonder Years concert. Just because we have nobody to go with, shouldn't mean we just don't go. That band gets me like no other. I need to go to more things alone... but I think that would be rather creepy... fuck. a pickle.

One could tell a lot about someone by how they drive. Taking the bus isn't so boring anymore now that I got my handy dandy notepad.

Lyric of the.... whatever... I'll probably do this a lot.

"Rejoice, rejoice God's ears are stitches
Rejoice, His eyes are big X's
Rejoice, His arms are burning witches
Rejoice, His hands perform hexes

Rejoice despite the fact this world will hurt you
Rejoice despite the fact this world will kill you
Rejoice despite the fact this world will tear you to shreds
Rejoice because you're trying your best"
- Andrew Jackson Jihad

fuckin'... here i go trusting strangers again

it never gets old.
trust only what's inside, what you have, not what you hope for.

placing trust in your hope is weak.
i'm making shit happen now.
excuses gone


and if i see that ****** again, i might be goin to the hospital, but he's going too.

i need to walk around ob more often...

I will learn to live again for now I’m breaking
all the things I couldn't mend without escaping
I will learn to love again
I will learn to love
I will learn

a letter experiment

This song ranks with mordecai and deliverance. thank you periphery/misha



Flashing eyes of heat
Vessel through the deep
By the son of night, unclean.

Charon

Fear becomes belief,
For those who cannot pay the fee.
A coin to board the fleet,
Or one hundred years disease

Row

But the line it never fades
The story is bound to unfold in the end

Love of mine, gone forever
Say goodbye to the sky
Bound by time, enter the ride
Absently, I will be

Motivate fortune
Can’t escape from the arms of death

Along the shore many faces accumulate
In preparation for the underworld
Single file ghost by ghost
The deck fills up to embark on the final sail

But the line it never fades
The story is bound to unfold in the end

Alone we rise and fall
Awaiting the day, a life coalesced.
Deep in the silence our fate is won
Create and consciously free the mind.
So far from where I lost my soul,
Depart, implore, divine.

In our minds adventure is always listening
Just stay here
The world isn't always listening
Disappear

Suffer in endless doubt
Holding onto the memories as they fade away.
These thoughts and sorrows will not remain.

These thoughts and sorrows wont remain.

hahah

reading over old shit, i've been introfuckingspectiveasshit... i hope i dont jinx myself.

this is a new day.

I feel really different...

like life is only on the outisde. and it's fucking good.

I hate how sometimes I wish a feeling could last forever, because I know nothing does. Not depressed, just wish good things never ended.

little boost

suppose i should let some stuff out.




Instead of playing games

i've looked inside for what i've thrown away again
what's been slipping through these fingers never seems to stay
please, just for a day?
i've gotten sick of all electric smiles
as if emotion was an art form
mastered only by a camera
digital chapters of time
just continues to roll over

like some lonesome carrousel


everyone thinks it's sad.
but pain's the only thing left real,
the only thing left

their impressions seep through my skin
i've felt all there's need to be seen
when will it stop
immediately starts again

I wouldn't have done a thing different

the sound is the only thing changing
when no one wants to hear about...
what we no longer care to express
there's so little left
and it keeps changing


What's taken for granted
is seen in lonesome laughter

so i'm leaving this frozen lake to venture towards land
maybe someone there would be as quiet as i've turned
the gift into burden
empty shelles of a lifetime's work
we're all searching through the sand

I've found my home for now
yet it's filled with ghosts of burden
I try to shut them out, yet still heard through the wood

my sister's got nothing to prove
it's too much just the decision
to think, or feel

they say to just let it go..

So I guess I should build from here.
With passion inside every breath.





working on some art for a friend's band and a new skate video "Animal Style". see where that goes.

cya journal.

self-help = inferiority complex

i am what i am.
- popeye

That smiling feeling

The more you think about it, the more terrible it seems. So just stop thinking, and do.

life is really feeling great.. finally. Even though all my close friends aren't really there anymore, I know it won't always be this way. I'm trying to stay open to new relationships, trusting people more. The past will always be there, and it will always hurt if you think about it so just let it go - there's nothing you can do. Easier said than done cliche blah blah I know, but there really is no simpler way to put it, simple question simple answer. This is the secret to being happy.

In this great future, we can't forget our past
So dry your tears, I say
- bob marley

is taking over.

And it comes crashing down, once again

Time to rebuild.

Or..... not.... hmm

'till the morning

I feel like I've been granted a fresh start. I feel like I can totally focus on myself, and others at the same time. Could've just been the perfect shower I had this morning though, haha. The water turned on at the perfect temperature, and I was out and ready to go in 15 minutes. Wow, listen to me. Much more open today. The hard part's trying to make it last...

I still don't know how to feel about her. I'm happy yet sad for her at the same time. I wish I could just be neutral.

One day at a time...

savor. savor savor

If you have one foot in the past, and one foot in the future, you're pissing on today.

behind glass.

and this is how it was supposed to be? im wearing cement smiles and observing what real people are calling life these days. kevin was right (the past few days you've been behind glass, but it's what he should be doing). his honesty and care puts him on a higher level. and i should've gone to that show. will there be more? hope so. even under the most intoxicating drugs, i'm still here. i'm here to find something. maybe i'm here to find that there's nothing to find. maybe i'm just wasting my time, but it's my time, and it was a good time. if i don't please you, you aren't trying hard enough. maybe that was mean. it's only glass.

facebook quizzes are lame.

if you don't have the land before time soundtrack, i will make you it. i have some music to be burning. peace