so

i'm loving watching the transformation life's finally taking. finally got a job with sony, license will be back in 5 weeks, and there's a pad with warm people waiting for me when i decide to break away. so long as i continue to project energy into the universe, i'm confident my world will keep changing.

I haven't written anything in a while, just been so busy. Reading the Celestine Prophecy. My mind is expanding faster than I ever thought it could, it's crazy. Such a good book. I'm literally just enjoying all the positives in my life and taking everything one step at a time.




My Aunt Dee died on Thursday. I'm so proud of my mom, though. She's by far the strongest woman I've ever known.

oh, and get well Chi

@least

i'm THIS close to running off.
or blowing my head away, whichever.

EVERYONE in my life is settling for less.
well, not everyone.. more like 99%

why am i searching so hard for something i know might not last anyways?

when i was young, i didn't mind being alone. now i can't even get a reply. (not just from you)

i'm fucking pathetic... but.............

atleast i'm not doing heroine.
atleast i'm not wasting my money on things i want.
atleast i have talents.
atleast i'm funny.
atleast i'm young, tall. smart.
atleast i'm an optimist. (thank god)
atleast i have friends, even if I think they're fucking crazy.
i'm crazy too.
atleast i qualify for unemployment.
atleast i make my mom proud.
atleast i have realistic goals, and i'm actually working towards them...

(sigh)

It's just been hard...

i like pretending like i have it all figured out

sleeping lessons

Go without
'Til the need seeps in
You're low, anymore
Collect your novel petals for the stem

And glow
Glow
Melt and flow
Eviscerate your fragile frame
And spill it out on the ragged floor
A thousand different versions of yourself

And if the old guard still offend
They got nothing left on which you depend
So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood
And off with their heads
Jump from The hook
You're not obliged to swallow anything you despise
See, those unrepenting buzzards want your life

And they got no right
As sure as you have eyes
They got no right

Just put yourself in my new hooves
And see that I do what I do
Because the old guard still offend (their pudgy hearts and slimy hands)
They've got nothing left on which we depend
So enlist every ounce
Of your bright blood
And off with their heads
Jump from The hook
You're not obliged
To swallow anything you despise
That you despise

-James Mercer

dude. i am SO in love with this right now. just wow

we're back on the game

your eyes are glazed over, your hands can't stay alone.
every hits taking you closer

away

is this what you wanted?
a lifelike cartoon to swim through?
well the bells will toll while the credits roll
an underworld has chosen their leader

a love so disgusting, shouldn't talk so loud

puke away your half-pint dream
just watch as it twists away.
i haven't seen a girl this lost since you lied.
swayed.

so baby girl, twist away.

so

i think i'm too friendly.

but it's like i know when i'm being walked over, and i don't forget that.

"be a little bit meaner" she said
"i got you, man" he said

my body enjoyed the wekeend, but my hearts just like whatever man.