Trust yourself

This whole time

I've been a fool...

"Tuesday's are so kind..."

She came on again today, looks like it's going to be another regular. It's gonna be another one of those, "you talk first" getting-to-know-yous. But you're sitting too far away for me to grow some and get over there. And you're trying so hard.. please stop. I can't feel comfortable when you're facing me but you're looking at your phone. If she'd just let her guard down... and stop flashing her cash every time she sits down... I get it, you're rich. If this bus were a party, I wouldn't leave her side. But I'm on my way to work.

A secret from future generations

Emotion
on a slippery stone
The grass never stays green long enough
There's so much water here
'course everyone thinks it's easier...

"I wish sometimes that I wasn't as conscious as I am."
- River Pheonix

"Ultimately, martial art means
honestly expressing yourself...
it is easy for me to put on a show and be cocky,
or I could show you some really fancy movement...
But to express oneself honestly, not lying to oneself,
and to express myself honestly...
Now that, my friend is very hard to do."
- Some movie

I feel like I'm constantly putting on a show for people. I'll change how I say or do something right before I do it to make it seem funny or smooth, and I'm afraid it makes me seem cocky. I notice it relies a lot on who I'm doing it too, also... maybe I'm not that different though. I'm self-centered sure, but I think in order to make it on your own in this world, you have to be. And there's nothing more I want in this world than to be independent... At least financially anyway. Just expressing myself honestly...

No other band in the entire world gets me like The Wonder Years.

day 3

Got a ride from the trolley from this rich old dude coming back home on Saturday. He must've thought I was hitchiking for whatever reason as my thumb was definitely not out. He kept asking me what was so funny. From now on, just say "I'm not gay" and prepare to be walking the rest of the way. Shit was awkward.

Sometimes, I think I'm doomed to walk around as a fake. Sometimes, being real is too painful. I'll just live in a pretend world I guess. Pointlessly alone. Everything a figment of imagination. Hiding behind a screen spewing pretty pictures to the populus. Pretty enough for them. The grass is always greener, but everything looks perfect from far away... come down now. hah.

For some reason I hate the smell of cigarettes cept when I'm drunk.

everyone older than me says

"you should fuck everything you can while you're young..."

why don't i listen?

whoa

I think it's interesting how people's facial and body features can influence the way they act, and in turn the people they're attracted to. For some reason, and I'm not bragging - completely serious, short light-skinned messican girls with small facial features and beautiful eyes love the shit out of me. And me them. I wish I knew why. You know how when you look at a couple and you're like wtf? They don't go together... (and this goes deeper than skin color) I think body shape and facial features can tell alot about a persons personality and if you would get along with them or not. That's probably the most superficial thing ever, but I'm really starting to believe it. I wish I knew more about psychology and human physiology to figure out if I'm right or wrong. I've been thinking about this for a while and this is the first time I've ever written it down. Definitely something to dig deeper into.

I wrote something just before, "Audrey" I'm going to call her, walked in.

Brick by Brick
It's coming down
And another is being built in it's honour
Consisting of a different kind

Discard pride, naivety
and bring translucent
The brunt of reality
Just one more brick..


Oh, and Animals as Leaders (Tosin Abasi) must have some sort of deal with the devil because fuckkkk

Inamorata

In the blue and white limo, day 1

Sometimes I wish someone could pick me up from behind and swing me around, though I don't think anyone's strong enough. I regret not going to the Wonder Years concert. Just because we have nobody to go with, shouldn't mean we just don't go. That band gets me like no other. I need to go to more things alone... but I think that would be rather creepy... fuck. a pickle.

One could tell a lot about someone by how they drive. Taking the bus isn't so boring anymore now that I got my handy dandy notepad.

Lyric of the.... whatever... I'll probably do this a lot.

"Rejoice, rejoice God's ears are stitches
Rejoice, His eyes are big X's
Rejoice, His arms are burning witches
Rejoice, His hands perform hexes

Rejoice despite the fact this world will hurt you
Rejoice despite the fact this world will kill you
Rejoice despite the fact this world will tear you to shreds
Rejoice because you're trying your best"
- Andrew Jackson Jihad