hanging from a stud o'er white porcelein wells
where she empties her colors and wipes all the tears off from
black shiny pupils, how vibrant they once were when
you were much stronger
she was much stronger then
run from me when i'm the one who showed you the ocean
when you had your floaty wings, safe from the drowning
the sharks are there waiting for a perfect opportunity
don't dare leave a drop of red
well if you can hear me please breathe in deeply and
pray the plane see's you as you're drifting aimlessly
pray the plane see's you...
i pray the plane see's her.
About Me
Monday, September 14, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Promise
Slowly, but surely... Only one fucking chance here. I forgot myself once I came back. I wonder if we really come back after we die, or we actually die many times while we're alive, and come back as something purer every time. Well, I think she killed me, but, maybe, I was holding on too tight - Nothing is ever one person's fault. I just wanted her to be happy.
Have you ever felt like there was only one chance you had to do something, and even in knowing this, you ruined it anyway? I guess this is what it feels like to kill yourself. It actually didn't feel that bad... Maybe death is such a bad experience, like a rite of passage. I've never had anyone close to me die, but I don't think it should be something to mourn. Sure the person leaving your life is hard, but it's inevitable, so why not be happy for them? That person has left - in peace, with everything they've come to realise. Matt Embree says "The past is just a graveyard for the lonely ghost regret" and Anthony Green says "From Winter brings the Spring again" the next funeral I go to I'll be in the front row smiling. I hope nobody thinks that I killed 'em.
I've also been learning how to not get so down when something "bad" happens, and the first step is to realise when I'm angry or sad and just take a breath. It happens for a reason, and getting mad or sad about doesn't help (those actually seem to be like selfish emotions). Not realizing it or holding it inside doesn't help either. It does feel better to let it out, I understand, but if I can learn how to convert the potential energy, those negative words into positive action, it would really make a difference.
A promise to myself - I'll make this change, for us.
Have you ever felt like there was only one chance you had to do something, and even in knowing this, you ruined it anyway? I guess this is what it feels like to kill yourself. It actually didn't feel that bad... Maybe death is such a bad experience, like a rite of passage. I've never had anyone close to me die, but I don't think it should be something to mourn. Sure the person leaving your life is hard, but it's inevitable, so why not be happy for them? That person has left - in peace, with everything they've come to realise. Matt Embree says "The past is just a graveyard for the lonely ghost regret" and Anthony Green says "From Winter brings the Spring again" the next funeral I go to I'll be in the front row smiling. I hope nobody thinks that I killed 'em.
I've also been learning how to not get so down when something "bad" happens, and the first step is to realise when I'm angry or sad and just take a breath. It happens for a reason, and getting mad or sad about doesn't help (those actually seem to be like selfish emotions). Not realizing it or holding it inside doesn't help either. It does feel better to let it out, I understand, but if I can learn how to convert the potential energy, those negative words into positive action, it would really make a difference.
A promise to myself - I'll make this change, for us.
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