a rather disturbing vision

my musical idols, a philosophical hero, matt embree and the rx bandits were looking for another guitarist and somehow i ended up being that lucky soul. i don't know the specifics, but there i was driving the van to some house/show that we were scheduled to play/hang out for the next couple nights. i ended up getting lost for a little bit, but i found my way back quickly. this kind of annoyed matt though, i don't know why, it doesn't seem like him to get annoyed by something that trivial, we still had plenty of time to make it there. we get to the place and it's like a log cabin, but the whole house is a big living room. there were all kinds of people there. everyone seemed to be happy and getting along nicely with one another, but i felt like something was unsaid, like everyone was happy because they were high or something.. so i sat there, quiet, trying to grasp what was happening. let me say, joe troy is the nicest fucking guy.. in real life, outside the chain reaction, i remember him handing out sandwiches. in my dream he was the only one who would talk to me, asking me questions, for the most part. every time i tried talking to matt, he would ignore me or brush me off like i was embarassing him or something. this continued until i woke up, and now i can't listen to his voice without thinking about that nightmare... sucks... i've met matt in real life and he was the holiest, most positive person i've ever come across. i've never felt so nervous in front of, yet accepted so much by anyone in my life. i swear i felt something.. magical when he patted my shoulder as i walked away.. so why was he this big ass douche in my dream?

i think i know, that i relate rx bandits too much to a person that i now pretty much despise, because we used to enjoy the music so much together.

i can't enjoy it now like i used to. she reminds me of how fragile a person can be but i see it in myself i'm letting go of all i've ever learned about you just as you have of yourself / well i'm not like you all the time was wasted, how do you go on thinking nothing is wrong? long gone.